I arrived at the zoo, incognito, and followed signs to the aviary. The staff escorted me into the enclosure for the Arbor Day event. A conservation group organized it to raise awareness about humanity’s impact on Earth.

The itchy wig was necessary. My favorite diva-shades helped disguise large almond-shaped eyes, and the “Keep the planet clean, it’s not Uranus!” t-shirt was sure to avert suspicion.

A lecture about responsibility to the planet and its animal inhabitants preceded a meditative time to commune with nature, during which I snacked on Parakeets and stuffed a Macaw in my knapsack.

Being a celebrity on my planet afforded me exotic experiences, including cosmic delicacies.

– Written for Microcosms 18 weekly contest. Related to Arbor Day with prompts celebrity/zoo/comedy. WC 110. Photo by Eric Kilby. “Epicurean” won Judges Pick for this contest.

Frank’s Big Dreams

“Frank, Chihuahuas don’t need bonnets.”

“This is incredibly disturbing to me, Frank.”

“I don’t know Hank; I think his bonnet is very stylish.”

“Frank, Chihuahuas don’t need bonnets.”

“It keeps the sun out of his eyes. I wonder if they make hamster-sized bonnets. What do ya think, Hank? I think I would look lovely in an Easter bonnet.”

“Frank, you are not going to be out in the sun and you would look like an idiot in a bonnet.”

“Why are you so judgmental? Is it because I would look better in a bonnet than you? Maybe the humans would take me out in the sun if I had a bonnet.”

“You are ridiculous! Quit fantasizing and accept reality! Frank, we are hamsters, and not just any hamsters, cute little teddy bear hamsters with chubby faces that will never see the sun because these human captors prefer Chihuahuas in bonnets and keeping us behind glass!”

“Hank, stop being a negative Nancy! You have such a gloomy outlook on life. One day I will be invited to the tea party with Larry the Chihuahua and Sandy the Sphinx and you will be jealous. We will wear our bonnets and drink tea and chat about fashion!”

“Oh my god, just shut up Frank! Just shut up!”

“Hey, Hank do you think they make hamster-sized bunny ears?”

“Oh my god, Frank! Why don’t you ask Janet the rabbit next time you two get together to do your nails!?”

– Written for Cracked Flash: Year 1 Week 34. Photo prompt and first sentence, “This is incredibly disturbing to me.” WC 240
‘Frank’s Big Dreams’ was named honorable mention in this contest.